I feel like I am now in a pattern that works. Well, somewhat works. It's restricting but all our needs are met. I think my overall dissatifaction with life stems from motherhood. I love my son but I miss my single life. I miss being able to what I want when I want. On some levels I'm still pissy about losing that life. Still, I know that if I could magically go back there I'd still be depressed and struggling. No matter where you are and what your life circumstances are the grass will always be greener somewhere else. Maybe the trick to life is to somehow develop tunnel vision and only focus and see your current situation and how to improve it and then just enjoy.
Both of my neighbors currently have beautiful front lawns and porches full of flowers and other potted plans. Jealous! Five years ago I would have blown both out of the water with my lawn work and green thumb. These days I'm lucky to get the lawn mowed once a week. This bothered me for awhile this summer. I beat myself up about not having a cleanup porch and pretty plants in the garden. Slowly I've done a few minor things but really - it isn't even close to my best work in the past. Truth is I just don't have the time to be perfect at everything anymore. I further prove this statement you should look at my toilets... I clean them once a week but they still get scary -- I just don't have the time to clean like I used to! Our main living spaces tend to be a 'B' on the cleaning scale. I keep those areas up because I'm there all the time and others can see it. The second floor is another story...
Kids really do change you and your life. Oh well... I guess today I'll just focus again on the main living areas and maybe do my neighbors a favor by sweeping off the front porch and carport. Too bad my 'lady' assistants don't clean... they're so darn lazy!
3 comments:
Yep, been there, done that. It was one of the things I had to think about when I had depression was working out what was "good enough" and what I could let go, otherwise I'd have driven myself totally insane. What did you think of "The red tent" too? I enjoyed it, although it's ages since I read it!
You know my mother lent me the book a year ago and I still haven't read it. I'm so lazy! Ugh!
Motherhood really does "undo" me sometimes. I try to remind myself that at least with little children, it's only a season. Not that it gets easier to be a parent when your children get older, but you can slowly regain some of the freedom. Good thing we both believe it's all worth it :)
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