Monday, August 31, 2009

Finally, a Moment

Living with family and having a 1.5 year old around all the time makes blogging a luxury. I feel like a loser when I can't blog. So I have found a little pocket of time to type out my feelings and activities... finally.
Still knitting up a storm. I made a market bag and finished up several cat hats and wristers. I will have the third hat and set of wristers done tonight and then it's back to the beast of all projects. It's not hard and not big but just seems to never get done. It's a scarf that I started making my husband right around the time I got pregnant. Yeah, that's over 2 years ago. It's half done and I am determined to finish it THIS WEEK.
I got Hunter signed up for daycare today at the facility where my friend works. Seems like a nice enough place. The price is annoying but I might be able to get some government money to help out with the cost.
That's it for here... just another busy week of knitting, appointments and paperwork.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Knit Through It

I am off and running here in Boise. Doctor appointments and knitting seem to keep me very busy these days. I'm getting all caught up from about 1.5 years of medical neglect. I'm also getting caught up with my knitting.
Right now I'm feeling more focused than I have in a long time. This is funny because although home things are still stressful around me. Maybe it's just being in a more familiar environment.
I found myself in a few moments where I've been overwhelmed by what is going on in and around me. The escape this I take time to knit, in the quite. Today it was especially theraputic for me. Thank god for knitting.

Monday, August 24, 2009

All That You Can't Leave Behind

I am home. I am back to my birthplace, my childhood haunts and the place which has been the backdrop for most of my life. With each trip back I find the ties a little looser. Don't get me wrong, I love Boise but as the years away from Boise start to add up I find that maybe Boise ISN'T all that I need and where I belong. It's a subtle feeling that I never really entertained too much until now. Although I will always love it here I don't know if it is where we will retire or where I will make a home again. Strange. I guess this is just one of those 'crap, I'm getting old' moments.
I'm still settling into this latest long term stay with my family here in Idaho. I've tried to make things as cozy as possible by packing two large suitcases full of yarn and knitting projects. Yeah - it's my Christmas knitting. Hopefully I can get most of it used up and done with. Today I started on one project which finds itself now a quarter done. I hope this kind of progress just keeps rolling.
I have no clue how long I will be in Idaho this time around. I'm hesitant to sign up for new knitting classes or even try to find a sitter for Hunter. Still, I know I need to. So, shall I go for Crochet for Beginners and/or Magic Loop Sock Knitting?

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Extra Baggage

My dog, The Cheat likes to come inside at night with more cargo onboard than when she left the house earlier. This isn't new but lately is increasing in volume. Here's a brief list of items that she blesses us with in our bed or office every night.

Wood Roach
We were blessed with this one on our son's bedroom door a few months back. Nice.

This is a hold over from the UK. Her long fur tends to pick up gangs of little and large slugs when she sleeps in moist areas of the garden. This often leads to 'slug picking' in bed at midnight by The Husband and I.

Carpenter Ants
This was a new one last night. Had a carpenter ant the size of our cat crawling on my shoulder in the office. I can only attribute his presence to The Cheat.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Crazy - Like a Fox!

The Husband's extended business trip has been canceled. It's a long complicated tale that really involves me, the Pendleton County police, the West Virginia mental health system, the Navy and my neighbors. Piece it together and I'm sure you'll figure the story out. Ugh. Embarrassing.
Anyhow The Husband is here to stay but I am set to leave. I've been banned from West Virginia - not that I mind that. I'll be moving home to Idaho soon. I'll be staying with my parents until The Husband gets a new job assignment at a more appropriate place... Timbuktu would be more welcoming than here... hell Kabul would be more welcoming. Infact, I've been missing England of late... not that England was bad but we were very isolated there too. Luckily I did find that fabulous knitting group in Lincoln which when I look back - I believe saved my sanity.
I have dropped everything which I had been previously involved with here on base. I did it because I'm leaving, I did it because I'm embarrassed, I did it because they were indeed unorganized and catty at times and my fragile mind was about to implode several times at the last meeting. I have no ill will towards those still involved around here. I think the system is challenging and I think the atmosphere is thick with resignation and laziness. I am not one to lay down quietly - as those who work for the West Virginia state mental health system know well - I am a fighter and cannot allow something to be broke in my presence. I know I need to chill. I know I need to find outside interests. I am now going to a place where that will be possible.
I will keep posting during the moving process. Wish me luck and pray that the people on base quit giving me the stink eye. Booger heads.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Day २७: Lady Day

When Hunter goes to the sitter for the day it is officially 'Lady Day' at the house. It's just me, The Cheat (my dog) and Olivia (the cat). We all enjoy doing one thing - sleeping. Really, it's getting old but that seems to be all I can do when Hunter is not around. I sleep like the dead. It doesn't help that I've been an insomniac lately. Still, I have all these visions of cleaning, knitting, and getting stuff done. Most days I end up taking Hunter to the sitter at 8am and then coming home and sleeping until 10am. Then I dick around on the computer until 11am and then eat lunch. Usually after lunch I get a few things done on my list but not much. I have to go get Hunter at 3pm.
I feel like I am now in a pattern that works. Well, somewhat works. It's restricting but all our needs are met. I think my overall dissatifaction with life stems from motherhood. I love my son but I miss my single life. I miss being able to what I want when I want. On some levels I'm still pissy about losing that life. Still, I know that if I could magically go back there I'd still be depressed and struggling. No matter where you are and what your life circumstances are the grass will always be greener somewhere else. Maybe the trick to life is to somehow develop tunnel vision and only focus and see your current situation and how to improve it and then just enjoy.
Both of my neighbors currently have beautiful front lawns and porches full of flowers and other potted plans. Jealous! Five years ago I would have blown both out of the water with my lawn work and green thumb. These days I'm lucky to get the lawn mowed once a week. This bothered me for awhile this summer. I beat myself up about not having a cleanup porch and pretty plants in the garden. Slowly I've done a few minor things but really - it isn't even close to my best work in the past. Truth is I just don't have the time to be perfect at everything anymore. I further prove this statement you should look at my toilets... I clean them once a week but they still get scary -- I just don't have the time to clean like I used to! Our main living spaces tend to be a 'B' on the cleaning scale. I keep those areas up because I'm there all the time and others can see it. The second floor is another story...
Kids really do change you and your life. Oh well... I guess today I'll just focus again on the main living areas and maybe do my neighbors a favor by sweeping off the front porch and carport. Too bad my 'lady' assistants don't clean... they're so darn lazy!
Office Nap

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Day २५: The Highs and Lows

This week is going along fairly well. No big sickness to endure. I've taken my mission to find some sort of military program that I can sign up for down a notch. I'm putting more time and effort into helping our FRG (that's Family Readiness Group) plan an upcoming 'Summer Bash' party in a couple weeks.
My biggest issue this week is my diabetes. What the hell is going on?! I've been fine during the days and then every night at like 9pm my sugars tank and I eat - a lot and then shoot up a little and then tank again. This cycle continues for a few hours. So, I'm not sleeping much. I know what I need to do... take my blood sugars regularly and after a week possibly adjust my basal rates. Still, this is a long term solution and my ADD self finds it boring. Maybe I need more ADD meds? Hmmmmmm.
I found this little photo on the web today:

Sometimes I feel like my type I burdens those around me. I don't often ask for help when I need it. I feel judged when I can't seem to get my bloodsugars in check. Just the other day my father was perplexed as to why I needed to put my son into daycare part-time. When I tried to explain that one reason was to give me time to relax and refocus on my diabetes --- I could hear the annoyance in his breathing. I know he doesn't know what he doesn't know... still it's always tough to have a chronic disease that everyone thinks they know how to manage... but really have NO CLUE.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Day २२: Bridezillas

Another lazy weekend day. Hunter and I stayed in our jammies for the day and played around the house. I think my cold is gone... or at least gone into hiding.
I've spent the day knitting and watching some TV. Tonight it is more of the same. Right now I'm catching up on my Bridezillas. Really, how many women truely freak out over Bachelor parties?! This is just dumb. Honestly, who cares if there is a stripper - as long as they look and do not touch. All these Bridezillas freak out over strippers and Bachelor parties... my goodness! If you don't trust your man then why are you marrying him?! I could care less about my husband in a strip club. I know he's faithful and I know he really never goes to places like that unless it's someone's bachelor party. Anyhow, that's my Bridezilla gripe of the day. Crazy Bitches!
Now that I'm up and knitting again I am organizing it all on Ravelry and trying to plan out my Christmas knitting projects. What a beast of an idea! I'm nuts to tackle as many projects as I have slated. Still, I am a woman possessed... I will try, even if it kills me.
Oh man, moment of truth flash! Bridezillas who over plan weddings and me who over plans Christmas! Man oh man... I'm not better than a Bridezilla! Crap! I hope I never get as evil about my knitting as these ladies are about their weddings! Yikes!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Day २१: Mr. Fix It

We're still alive over here. Just chugging along. Never a dull moment.
This week we got back to daycare. It was pure bliss. Hunter loves his sitter, Darla. She has two girls who also seem to enjoy Hunter. Getting him out of the house three full days a week is so helpful. It refreshes me, gives him something new to explore, and of course keeps the economy going -- yea, the checkbook is smokin'. Still, it's worth every penny.
I am still sick. I think I have the plague. This head cold just will NOT go away. Hunter has made a full recovery. I still have days of pure hell. I spent two of my three days off in bed. My mother wants me to go get some antibiotics on Monday. Probably worth it... I hate going to the doctor but two weeks is enough. If this isn't better by Monday then yeah, bring on the drugs.
The day care situation here on base isn't improving much. We had a child care town hall -- only the usual suspects showed. Really, the only reason the military does child care is to help dual military families and families in which both parents work full time. So we're screwed out here. I'm sure many mothers out here would love to work full time outside the home but we are 45 minutes from the nearest town and jobs... also that's a 45 minutes drive over a really high mountain and windy road. Just isn't worth it. There's just no relief for the moms here... we have no coffee shop, no community center (yeah, we have a 'community center' but it has a bar in it and pool tables... it's more of 'club' than anything else). Anyhow, it's a conundrum.
Today Hunter and I are watching home improvement shows...