Day १०: That's It!

Man, you can't say I didn't really try here! The past 48 hours have not played out well for me. I got some dreaded summer head cold and then my push for a government subsidy to help pay for childcare while my husband was away was stonewalled. A girl can only take so much drama and rejection before she cracks. I have cracked, big time. After a long talk to a new friend to be further known as SeaQueen and a counselor on base I know that going back west is my best option for survival. I think my situtation is best described in part of an email I just sent to family and friends... and yes it is edited to omit the names of the guilty....

As many of you know my time here at XXXXXXXXXX is similar to time spent in a federal supermax correctional facility. I have finally gotten over my bout of stockholm syndrome and now realize that my captors are bad naughty people. Much like battered wives about leave I feel as though I must make a fast, clean and efficient getaway... preferably under the dark of night. I have started the ball rolling and I plan to be back in Idaho for much of the next year starting in a few weeks. I have not shared this information with anyone on this base. I just need to leave. Things do not change here and I am not getting any support. I have met some nice people here but it's time to feed myself and my soul. I am looking forward to being with friends and family, to live near shopping and daycare and I embrace all that is dry heat.

So that's that. It was a tough decision because I didn't want to look weak and I didn't was to seem like I was 'running home' to my parents. In reality I used all the tools given to me to try to make this work. I attended all functions, I researched and tried to apply to programs that are meant to help people like me, I attempted to help others through on base groups. All these efforts were in vain. I went in with a positive attitude but really, people don't change. In the future with dealing with the military on any level I now have my eyes WIDE OPEN. As a type I diabetic I've learned that insurance will never tell or give you what you are truely entitled to... you have to fight... same goes for the military and government in general. I don't think either entity wants to be cruel but that's just the nature of the beast.
I will continue my quest in Idaho for better information and care while my husband is away. I expect and hope that the base back home will be more forthcoming and helpful. Maybe this whole thing too is a new inspiration... becoming an advocate for military families and spouses.
I'm feeling better with my decision with every minute that passes. It's a relief to see light and think about seeing family and friends and knowing that there's help around every corner.